I looked at you, and you softly said, “Do you marry me?”

You looked back at me, and you said to me, “A V”

I thought of moving the earth and forcing boundary changes

You glanced at me, and said, “mon cheri!”

I wanted to privatise the NHS, and you let me do that.

You gave me ‘Sure Start’, but thankfully nobody gave a toss.

I shut down law centres, making disabled citizens unable to claim.

Your MPs, frankly, won’t be any big loss.

I’m sorry I could not deliver on Lords Reform.

But you’re happy as we wanted to promised to cut the deficit.

I’m sorry we won’t be out of recession until 2018 now.

And you know you’re now completely stuffed.