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Please read : "Shibley, Shibley – Problem, Problem"
I went to see my father with my mother to Ward 6W at the Royal Free Hospital. Instantaneously, he looked pleased to see, recognized me as ‘Shibley’, and then appeared to be very agitated and restless. He moved on to say, ‘Shibley, Shibley, Problem, Problem’. I went to the toilet, and when I came back, I found that the arrest team were there. He had lost output, and he had had a heart attack. I knew his blood pressure had dropped, and at that point did not understand the severity of the event. I had only minutes’ earlier been clutching his Lucozade, forced him to take a sip or two, but left the biscuits and chocolates, as well as his ‘Get well soon’ and ‘Thank you’ card in the bag.
I will bury these items with him. I will wear his shoes though, which he had bought the previous week from Oxford Street in Marks and Spencer.
What followed as the worst day of my life. I never saw him again until bed 3 in the ITU. In between, the Consultant Cardiologist, who used to be my SpR at the Hammersmith, caught up with my progress since my recovery and since I went feet-first into my legal studies and promoting awareness of dementia. He explained fully that it was likely that my father would not survive. Actually, his normal echocardiogram was a false positive pre-operatively; we both knew pre-operatively that he was having severe episodes of chest pain at rest but the anomaly was such that his coronary arteries were delivering a normal result because the whole cardiac body was underperfused. The Consultant explained he was lucky to be alive, with all the arteries apart from one being intensely calcific, implying that he was a very high risk patient for a procedure. However, we both knew that if he had had this angiogram beforehand, he might have actually died, not had his operation, and be awaiting perhaps a by-pass graft which might not have worked anyway.
He had his operation because we both saw him decline over several years to almost wheelchair bound. He would wake up at 3 am, say his Islamic prayers, watch BBC News 24 like a zombie all morning, and then cook for me and my mother with whom he lived in Primrose Hill. He would then go to bed at 8 pm, but have nightmares, and not sleep well every night because of intense leg pain, which I now know was intense peripheral vascular disease. Dad, please forgive me – I am not a practising Doctor any more.
I have loads of regrets that he came to see me after alcoholic withdrawal fits in hospital, some requiring emergency intubation, and to see me after my various drunk-and-disorderlies. That’s the thing I’ll never forgive myself for – my selfishness and his selflessness. He knew he was critically ill, but said nothing. He looked after me and my mum, and was wonderful. Everyone who has messaged to me have used consistent words such as ‘a gentleman’, ‘wonderful’ and ‘kind’. That was him – he always wore a suit (and a tie). He did not grumble that he failed the diploma of the Membership of the Royal College of Physicians exam (which I passed in 2005), because of his undiagnosed colour blindness in large part. Also, as for the famous BBC articles which call me a stalker, although I have never received an offence, caution, reprimand or warning from the Police for stalking, he told me to ‘Forget about it. The BBC is a big institution, and its smears does not matter any more to me’.
I will continue to apply to the GMC and the SRA for my entries to the legal and medical professions. I dearly uphold each of the professions. I will regret massively that my father will never see my reputations salvaged, but everyone has told me he will ‘get to know’, I should lead each day to the full, and (my Consultant Psychiatrist particularly said it), I had turned the corner. I cried when I told my Psychiatrist yesterday outside Regents Park Mosque that my blood results were normal. He told me, “Well of course, this is no surprise. He knew you’d be cured, believe me”.
This song is for my Dad, Dr Muhammed Khalilur Rahman, who last week said he was ‘sailing home, again across trouble waters’ and always cried when he reminded himself of his elder brother who died in Bangladesh 2 months ago. “I am dying, forever crying”. “Can you hear me through the darkness of the waves?”
My Dad graphically describes the boat as he left his home village of Bangladesh as the trouble waters, and often used to recount when he was bleeped in England to inform him his own father had died. He worked really hard for the NHS for 30 years, and it will come as a shock to his patients in Burgess Hill that he’s passed away.
And, finally, this is him breaking his fast in Ramadan this year. At the back of my mind, I knew he wouldn’t be with me for long, so I took this video against his will. I said to him last Friday when his operation had been cancelled for the second time, “I’m glad, as you can stay with me for a few more days more”. He smiled. Somehow I knew what he knew what exactly I meant…
An extremely difficult time for me, and I wish to thank the enormous amount of messages I’ve had on Twitter and Facebook. I feel like a dead man walking, but I am determined not to relapse for the rest of my life, for the sake of my father’s reputation and my mother, for long I don’t know will be alive.
My father’s funeral will take place in Islington next Wednesday afternoon. I am looking forward to it. He was an amazing man to me. My best friend (and carer as I am disabled). I will always miss his company, and he’s far more wise and intelligent than I’ll ever be.
Allah bless.
Shibley Rahman to BBC : I find these BBC smear tactics repulsive, but not surprising
The Band Aid has a lot of goodwill and amazing fantastic worldwide reputation, which, to be fair, the BBC should be repugnant at trying to smear in the name of investigative journalism. On that matter, I find the vast majority of investigative journalism, even in the tabloids, excellent. When the BBC do it, as they do regularly, it is truly disgusting.
“On a number of occasions the BBC tried to rush out an announcement, on heavy news days,” said Mr Grade, a former Controller of BBC1 and chief executive of Channel 4. ”
They tried to bounce us into making an announcement, in terms that weren’t agreed, on the day the Chilean miners were released and then on the day the public spending cuts were announced. They said it was just coincidence. But it was a bit too much of a coincidence, if you ask me.”
According to this report,
“The strength of the BBC’s reputation meant that when it does make a mistake it was “more serious than anybody else’s mistake,” he said. Bob Geldof agreed. “The BBC has a special obligation, most singularly in the case of the World Service whose broadcasts are relied upon by people in difficult situations in places like Africa where the truth can be a life or death issue,” the Band Aid founder said. “So it has a particular responsibility to check its facts.”
As regard me, there is a report still on the BBC website today. The BBC have evidence that I did not commit the crime explicitly stated in the headlines, and that I have no caution, warning or reprimand, or any offence indeed. The BBC Trust refuse to make an apology for this, thus continuing damage to my personal reputation. This was discussed in 2006 when I was severely alcoholic, and they misused their opportunity to report which they had under law. I have seen at first-hand smear tactics by the BBC, and I find them repulsive. Whatever ongoing damage to my reputation by the BBC keeping their article today and people reading it and not inviting a disabled guy with 7 degrees and 40 months in recovery to interview, this is nothing compared to the ‘damage done to 24 years of charity giving work by Band Aid’ (Sir Michael Grade this morning).
Concerning the actual offense to do with Band Aid, the corporation admitted in an on-air apology it had “no evidence” for the claims which prompted a complaint from Band Aid Trustees including Bob Geldof.
The facts speak for themselves of how the BBC did it, in the public domain. An edition of Assignment, broadcast on the World Service last March, initially reported aid had been diverted by a rebel group in the beleaguered African country to buy guns.
The Yahoo report continues that that story was subsequently followed up online and on programmes including From Our Own Correspondent and the BBC News which named Live Aid and Band Aid as the source of the mis-directed funds.
This is another BBC smear. They ran 3 stories about me in about 4 days in 2006, when the General Medical Council had neither concluded that I had engaged in stalking, nor were investigating it. The criminal evidence was that I had not been. The BBC should be genuinely disgusted at their behaviour.